Wednesday, December 3, 2008

A lesson from a 3 year old! Part 1

In my quest to be the parent that God would have me be to my DD & DS, I have been doing a bit of meditating on a little quip relayed to me by a friend in Illinois. About 2 years ago Bianca was telling me about a time when she and her DD Sarah were out running some errands and that while driving down a neighborhood street they spotted a dog in the back of a pick up truck parked on the side of the road. Sarah remarked to her Mom that the dogs was just sitting there and didn't try to jump out. Bianca made the comment that, Yes that dog is being very good isn't he. Well as they drove past, Sarah noticed that the dog was tied up to a leash strapped to the pick up truck bed. Upon noticing that the dog was tied up Sarah rebutted, "He isn't being good. He can't jump out."

That phrase has stayed with me for 2 years now and every time I discipline my children that phrase comes back to me. I have learned so much from the 3 year old daughter of my friend. When my children are being taught and directed to do or not to do something, are they doing it because of fear of punishment or are they being good? We all know the reasons as to why that dog wasn't trying to jump out of the back of that pick up truck. One could be that the dog knew if he jumped out he would hang himself. Another reason could be that he just assumed, like times before when he was tied up, that it was no use to fight it. He wasn't going anywhere anyway. As Sarah said, he wasn't being good. See to be good is to choose to do good. Even this 3 yo little girl knew that. He wasn't given the choice. I wonder if he had been given the choice, what would he have chosen.

Am I teaching my children to be good or to just do what they are told? Yes, obeying is good and yes I believe that the obedience I teach my children to have for me they will probably be transferred to God when they are out of the house but that is not a guarantee. But if I teach my children to be good and not to just obey, they won't have to be told what is good or bad to do. Don't get me wrong, I am all for leadership and following the man of God but there needs to be foundational relationship with that God or they may end up drinking the Kool-Aid one day. What is going to happen when there is no authority. Will they choose to do good or will they be like that dog and jump and run for it as soon as the leash is loosed.

So how do I handle this. Love is a strong component. When someone loves you, they will do almost anything for you. I have been purposely trying to help my children fall in love with me, their Dad, the Bible, The LORD, their Pastor and help to compel them to want to do good because they love the LORD not just because they fear Him. Yes they should fear Him but as the song goes,Praise Him Praise Him all ye little children, God is Love,God is Love. Love is a much greater constrainer than fear.

Am I giving my children the tools that they need in order to unconsciously do good or are they just not jumping because they are tied down?

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Nothing To Do

Stay at home moms (SAHM) have it made. We get to sleep until 10 every day, our children wake up bright and happy and go about their days w/o a care in the world. They are born w/ all knowledge so it is not necessary for Moms to spend time w/ our little ones teaching them to count, their colors or other such things. Three meals a day are loving prepared by the cook who comes in and the maid makes sure the house is spotless by the time our husbands come home. And for those of us homeschooling, we have gifted children who need no instruction or help w/ school work. They just breeze though Algebra and Physics like they don't have a care in the world. Then while the nanny gives the kids a bath and tucks them in bed, I happily skip off to my bedroom to relax the night away. When the children wake up in the middle of the night, no fear, we have a live in nanny. :-D

Okay, now all you SAHM's can stop laughing and everyone else needs to realize you are WRONG!!! My life is nothing like what I described in the previous paragraph but I don't for the life of me understand why everyone else thinks it is! Just the other day I had someone say to me,"You know it wouldn't be that difficult to do ...x.y.z...All you need to do is...." Then when I said great so you can help me by doing this... the other person laughed and said, "No I can't I have too much on my plate. I was telling you how to do it."

I was quite proud of myself that I didn't automatically scream at this person. Now I understand that this usually knowledgeable and sweet lady does have a lot on her plate and I accept the fact that she can't help with this project because her plate IS full. What floors me is that somehow I have NOTHING to do. Are you kidding me?

Here's a question for all you ladies out there. For the SAHM's, how have you dealt with this in your life. I get the just smile and say, I'm sorry I can't, thing; but, have you ever taken it upon yourself to educate the (what seams like) masses on their error.

For those who are single or married w/o children, what is it you think I do all day. Watch TV and eat bon-bons? I can understand a little about Moms who work outside the home. These ladies take on a lot. They spend 40 hrs a week, mostly, outside the home to come home AND do my job as well. Ladies, just because I don't have as many responsibilities as you do, that doesn't mean that my plate isn't full as well. I have just chosen to put different things on it. Think of it kinda like a buffet, you chose fried chicken; I chose pork chops.

I really would love some comments on this. Even if I don't know you, please leave a response. The more feed back the better. (Watch nobody respond now!) lol

Parental Rights

Dear Blogging Friends,

As you visited my site I'm sure you noticed the sign. I want to encourage all of you to visit this sight and learn what it is all about. With the US quickly wanting to become more global, the rights that most of us take for granted may be gone soon. I promise I am not one of those people who read somewhere on the Internet about some family who heard about a friend of a friend who had a friend who was investigated by the state and is now hyper-paranoid! I lived a similar instance in my own life, TWICE!

Once when my DD, who is now 13, was 3 days old, her father (whom I affectionately call the sperm donor)'s new girlfriend called DSS saying I was trying to sell my baby! I had a full blown investigation on me at an already stressful time in my life. Needless to say I was cleared of the charges but still...Then when Colleen was 11 someone called DCFS in WI where we were visiting a friend and actually took custody of her on DCFS authority. I was given a fraction of the time to return home with my children and immediately check her into a hospital for evaluation. BTW, when we arrived at the hospital it was well past midnight! My husband and I had to be there to be evaluated ourselves with our 13 month old son and me 4 months pregnant. The stress of that ordeal, which also cost us $600 in lawyer and Dr bills, I believed also caused me to go into premature labor at only 21 weeks. Our beautiful daughter Cassy was born to early and lived only 2 hours.

These cases are real. Our simple rights as parents are being infringed upon daily. Ask any homeschooler. Most homeschoolers have to abide by more laws than the public or private schools do.

When Connor was born (in Illinois) I was given the option to be tested for HIV during my pregnancy. I did not believe I was in need of it so I turned it down. I found out just 3 weeks before he was born that even though I had the right to deny the test for myself, Illinois law says that ALL babies will receive the rapid HIV test upon birth. I realize you're probably thinking, What's the big deal? Well there are several big deals:

1) It's my business what testing I choose to have done and not choose to have done! What right has the state to stick a needle in my newborns vein w/o my consent or even knowledge. See a Dr didn't tell me this, I found out happenstance. When I asked the Dr he confirmed the information but told me he was under no obligation to tell me about the law.

2)The rapid HIV test has a very high false positive rate. This is because it doesn't actually test for HIV because that takes weeks. It test for an abundance of T cells. Which anyone can have for a number of reasons. Once a positive is received for the rapid HIV the baby is immediately given retro viral drugs and breast feeding is not allowed. Baby is also usually kept in hospital or put into foster care until the standard test comes back at around 4 weeks. (wanna guess who's paying that bill?) Cause see, refusing to test for HIV when you have it (cause how else would the baby get it) is called child neglect in Illinois.

3)I actually had a nurse at the hospital where Connor was born tell me, when I complained about the law, that I was just a parent and didn't have the ability to make such decisions (have my son tested or not) and that that is why Illinois had to pass a law to protect baby's from their (her word was unknowledgeable but I heard STUPID) parents.

These are all instances that have happened to me. I pray I don't have to struggle anymore with others but I sincerely doubt it.

BTW, in other countries, there is no such things as parental rights. Your parenting are judged by "national safety statistics"!

Please go to the web site, please read the information and please educate your self on this very real danger.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Things are not always what they seem

As a child growing up in church I have heard many sermons both from the pulpit and from the parking lot. Those people who give you a sermon either by cornering you because they must give you their expert opinion on this, that, or the other and then the sermons by observation.

One of the many things I heard both with my ears and with my eyes was parents saying how perfect and wonderful their kids were. I have no doubt that at the times these kids were perfect and most times they were wonderful but I must be honest and admit that these actions and words, although appropriate, gave me a warped opinion about parenting. Part of that because my only source for Godly parenting skills was the church, the other part just being plain immaturity.

I have come to this age in my life, what I call the enlightening age, carrying this and other warped ideas. I have expected my children to be perfect like Susie's kids or Merry's girls or ... well you get the picture. This has caused an unnecessary strain on me, my husband and most of all my children. If I heard it once I heard it a 1000 times! "My teenagers NEVER gave me one moments trouble." I now have a teenager and have learned that there idea of trouble and what I thought was trouble must be two different things! I thought (and still do) that what they meant was that their children were perfect. That they never gave them any worries or concerns and they never again had to be disciplined or reprimanded. I have changed my view greatly especially in the last few days. I think that these parents do think there children are angels and one may even be the christ-child him or herself (little c on purpose, I don't want to give honour to whom it is not due).

I, one the other hand, realize that these people are delusional and should get some counselling! Kids and teenagers are in NO way as "perfect" as these parents made them seem. Immaturity is just not that pretty. So what's a mother to do? What should my response be to those who still claim to have the most perfect kids in the world while mine *gasp* don't always do what they're told? This is the conclusion I have come to. Every parents has a scale if you will on importance. As a matter of fact everyone does on everything. Something that works at my house you might not ever allow at yours. The only problem is when you make a statement of your child's perfection and don't illustrate what your scale is you give a false impression. That can lead to confusion and great frustartion on those around you who do not have someone to guide them through their learning experiences. Watch what you say around the rest of us who are still trying to figure out this parenting thing. So what next? What bout those who just have to prove how awesome their kids are?

I have decided in my home to lighten up a little bit. The next time someone comes to me with a bit of news about "what my child has said or done" to not freak out about it. It is perfectly ok with me and Jerry if people see our children as they are. Sinners who are trying to serve God but will ALWAYS fail. There is just no way around that. I'm not saying that I will excuse sin. NO NO NO.It will be dealt with but it's no longer gonna be the end of the world because Jon & Jane's children would have never done something like that. Well, I have seen Jon & Jane's children as adults and they don't do much of anything!

So please excuse my imperfect, rowdy, messy, loud, sinful kids. Please don't allow your quiet, perfect, sweet, neat, angelic kids around mine. You kids might rub off on mine and I don't want any part of that!

Wednesday, November 5, 2008


For every person in America, even the world, today is a new era. A new time. For some it's a day of unsettlement, for many it's a day of joy and for all it is a day of history. From the inception of America it was never even a dream for a man like Barack Obama to become President. I do not mean just his skin color, by no means. Although that is part of it. Any body who has ever lived in the South knows that his race is reason enough to say that yesterday was a historic day. My thought though includes more. I speak of his values, his ideas and his beliefs.
Quoting from President-Elect Obama's acceptance speech, "If there is anyone out there who still doubts that America is a place where all things are possible; who still wonders if the dream of our founders is alive in our time; who still questions the power of our democracy, tonight is your answer."
Personally, I do not agree with his statement. I don't believe that the founding fathers would have believed any one who told them tonight would happen. I don't see George Washington or the infamous Thomas Jefferson (if you are unaware of his story I encourage you to Google him) as dreaming of today. Again though, I speak not only of his race. From what I have heard him say and the speeches I have heard him give and from at one time living in the state in which he was Senator I believe he has socialistic beliefs and supports many issues that are unGodly and even wicked (his ban on allowing health care for infant survivors of abortions).
So where does America go now. I believe that in mine or my children's life time that the America that the founding father's dreamed of will no longer exist. We will no longer be a Christian nation but will simply be a religious nation. We will no longer believe as a nation that the Bible is the Word of God but will be told it is a book of religious writings. We will no longer be a nation that supports Israel or the Jehovah God of that nation, but will support and care only for those who "had no choice in their despair". Now I realize my last statement sounds barbaric but hear me out. I myself have questioned why not have a socialistic society, a socialistic world even. Why not try to give all that can be given to those who need it. How many of us women don't have a hard time seeing a hungry, sick or hurting child? When we act in a socialistic manner we make money the god. Money becomes the answer to our prayers as opposed to Jesus Christ.
Now history is made so what do we do. We do what we should do whether or not Obama was elected the new president. We do what we should have been doing all along. We do what is right and good and best for us to do.

We Pray!

Friday, October 24, 2008

Cleanliness Is Next To Godliness

Well for those of you that know anything about me, please stop laughing! For those who don't, all the better :-D. Let me splain.... I am not known to be the neatest person in the world or on the street for that matter. I am much better now then I have been before. Please know that in this post I am not trying to excuse filthiness. I don't believe anyone would describe me as filthy, but I definitely don't have neatness tendencies.

If you come to my house at any given time you will probably see a mess. Now that doesn't mean that the whole house is a mess but somewhere I promise there will be a mess. Even if it's just in the three year old's pants. My mother wasn't big on teaching home-ec to her girls and I by no means put the blame on her. I'm a grown woman and can learn for myself.And I have! But it has been hard. I talk to people all the time who are "neat-freaks". Matter of fact my MIL is one of them. I have almost given myself a heart attack trying to become one. Recently I have decided it's time to learn a new saying..."Where no oxen are, the crib is clean, "Prov. 14:4a. That is the new motto of the Allison family. It is ridiculous for me to home school 2 kids, teach 12 piano students, run 2 church ministries, assist my husband with 2 more and have a spotless house.

I can hear some of you now, "well maybe you should not do so much outside the house and maybe you should..." yeh, yeh, yeh. The simple fact is, even if I weren't doing the outside extras, my house still wouldn't be spotless. Why, because I will only have my children for a certain length of time. I'm not promised tomorrow and neither are they. Even if we all live our 3 score and 10, I have today only today. The laundry will still be there long after we're all dead and gone.

So no more trying to kill myself trying to have my house look like Nelly Neaterthanyou's. No more screaming at my kids because there rooms are spotless like the kids down at
Mr & Mrs Spotlessbutnolove's house. From now on I'm going to relax, still strive to be as clean as possible but I'm a wife & mom first.

The laundry will still be there tomorrow, my family might not.

Monday, October 20, 2008

Are you sure God answers prayers?

I first came to church as an 8 yo girl on a bus to Trident Baptist Church in N Charleston, SC. The church building has since relocated to Goose Creek, just a few miles down the road from its original location. My home life was not a good place by any stretch of the imagination. Now to be honest it wasn't always bad, but it was rarely good. Get the picture?

Any way, as a little girl and a teenager and admittedly even as an adult I was jealous of those who lived in a Christian home. Not just a "christian" home but good Christian homes. I would spend hours and hours praying and crying and begging God to please give me a Christian home. I would get so angry at him for not giving me what I thought was my right to have.

Look at it logically with me for a minute. Doesn't the Bible command us to "set no wicked thing" before our eyes? Every day and every hour of every day in my home there was constant wickedness in one form or the other. I'm sure some are thinking, "well every home has some sin because all are sinners." I agree with that but I'm not talking about sin, I'm talking about wickedness! If God command me to do something isn't it His obligation to control the things that I can't control to give me the opportunity to obey His commands? In my finite mind I reasoned that this was God's responsibility. He was not answering my prayer the way I thought He should and therefor He didn't love me. In fact for years I thought I was God's idea of a practical joke. That He would purposely put me in circumstances beyond my control so He could have a good laugh at my expense.

I never understood how can God command you to do certain things or not do them and then put you in a place to where you couldn't follow His word! For years this boggled my mind. As I grew older and daily life got a little easier because I moved out of my parents home, I began to realize a truth that has never occurred to me before. In reference to the before mentioned command, " I will set no wicked thing before mine eyes," Psalm 101:3a when I had to witness wicked things and I had no control over whether or not they were put before my eyes, then that sin was put to my charge if in my heart I was abhorring and rejecting it. Now if I was inwardly enjoying it, then it was my sin to confess but that's another topic all together.

I never did realize until my late 20's that I had a Christian home. No I'm not saying that my illustration from before was some psychotic delusion! What I am saying is that I am my home. Home is the people not the building. Home is not determined by birthright or DNA or location. It is determined by a group or even single person of like minded faith and ideals. You see I had that all along and didn't even realize it. I keep looking for God to do this supernatural thing without, all the while restraining Him from doing a supernatural thing from within.

Now I have a Christian home (that is when I remember to behave in a Christian manner) from without and within. You see, God answered my prayers when I got saved. God answered my prayers when Jesus Christ became my brother and the two of us formed a Christian family.

And when I feel that God is not answering my prayers the way and in the time that I think He should, before I get frustrated or angry or even disappointed that God hasn't given me want I think is "my right" to have, I need to take some time to examine if He already has before I start complaining that He hasn't.

The next time you think that God hasn't answered your prayer, think first of this: Has He answered it and I just didn't listen.

Sunday, October 19, 2008

A little about my family

It has been almost a week since my first entry. It has been a little scary. You are very vunerable with a blog. Some people may not feel that way, but think about it, it is. Things you say and comments you make will follow you for a long time, even after you have forgotten all about it. Anyway as the saying goes: No Guts No Glory...

I'd like to give you a little insight into me. I am a 33 year old mom of two and wife. My husband and I are quite the opposite in personalities. As a matter of fact, when Jerry and I were having our premarital counselling we each took a personality test. We were as far apart on the spectrum as two people can be. At times it can be difficult but most times it works very well. I don't know if the world can handle two of me anyway! My husband is very quiet and calm. He gets excited over few things. Where as I can be accused of being a little dramatic at times. Jerry is very smart. He has spent most of his adult life completing 5 degrees including his last doctrate in business administartion and also has a CPA liscence. I on the other hand, have a measly little Associates degree. With all that my husband treats me like the smartest woman on earth. I love him so much!

I have 2 kiddos, Colleen who is 13 and Connor who is 3. They keep me pretty busy. They are both pretty typical kids. Connor is always going and gets bored easily. Colleen is very smart and quite talented. I have been teaching her piano for almost three years now and I can already see that she is going to be a much better pianist than I am. We homeschool our kids for several reasons. One of those is it just works out best for our family. My husband is an instructor at a local college here and as such his schedule is not the typical 9-5 , 5 days a week w/ two weeks vacation in the summer. We have found that homeschooling gives us the flexability to allow my husbands schedule to dictate our family as opposed to a school calender. For instance, this semester Jerry is working Tuesday and Thursday nights and doesn't get home until close to 10 o'clock. While that's not reall a big deal seeing as he leaves the house @ 12:30, it would be a problem if the kids were in traditional school. Between work and church commitments, my kids wouldn't see their dad from Monday night until Friday night. That just won't do for us.

I am a pianist and have been playing for 23 years. (Wow, you know your old when you've been doing something for that long.) I love to play. When ever I am sad I can sit down and play and instantly feel much better. It doesn't work well when I'm angry though. lol

I am currently pursuing a degree in herbalism. I am very fascinated with herbalism and naturopathic care. That's not to say that I am totally against traditional medicine. I believe its very much needed on a daily basis for a good number of people. Including our family. Our children like to see the docs in the ER on a regular basis. lol I also feel that God has given us what we need to maintain proper health in the form of herbs and naturopathic medicine.

My newest hobby of course being blogging.

Well its late and tomorrow is Monday. We get to go on a feild trip to Jeremiah farms and milk the goats. Connor and I are excited, but Colleen's not exactly looking forward to it. Till next time.

Monday, October 13, 2008

The Final Fronteir

I consider myself to be somewhat techno savvy, but until recently, I never thought about doing a blog. I knew what a blog was, had read some blogs, thought they were kinda cool, but for me? It never crossed my mind! Well I have arrived to a final fronteir of sorts for me. I mean I'm sure it's not but it is in some weird way. Anyhow, here I am in all my blog glory going for it. Putting myself out there to be... praised, ridiculed, laughed at, cheered on, wept over (in a good & bad way) and many more responses I haven't even thought of. [Do you get the impression I don't spend alot of time just thinking?] Well, I can help you understand why by telling you a little about myself.

I am married to my wonderful husband Jerry who is a college instructor here in SC. We have two children, Colleen 13 and Connor 3. I'll explain the age differences on a later blog. It's kind of a long story. I am a stay @ home, homeshooling, thrying to persue and herbalist degree Mom that is all about home and all about family. If anyone reading this has known me for a time and hasn't seen me in a while you are probably laughing right now but it's true. People can change and I have. Hopefully for the better but...we'll see.

I love being at home with my kids. I think it's the greatest job in the world. I don't understand women who choose to work. I get the have to work thing although I believe that excuse isn't always true. I think people just assume that you are entitled to have a nice house, a car for every driver, brand name clothes and eat out three times a week. While these things are nice no one is entitle to this or any other form of the "American Dream".

My American dream is for my children to live in a world where they serve God in His calling(not mine or some "preachers"), faithful to church, themselves, their spouses and their children and not get ridiculed for it.

Well anyway those are all great topics for later posts! I should probably go now, the kids are swinging from the chandeliers! (We don't have chandeliers) LOL